The Path to Healing
When we think about the scars of war, the physical wounds are often the first to come to mind. But for many veterans, it’s the invisible injuries—those rooted in trauma, guilt, and shame—that linger the longest. These invisible wounds are encapsulated in two key concepts that can shape a veteran’s life long after their service ends: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Moral Injury. While they share some overlap, they’re distinct challenges, each attacking the heart and mind. However, a critical piece often gets overlooked in healing both conditions: the power of self-forgiveness.
In this post, we’ll explore how self-forgiveness can act as a moderator between PTSD and moral injury, helping veterans find a pathway to healing. I know how these battles feel firsthand—I’ve walked in those boots. After years of personal exploration, conversations with others who have faced the same struggles, and deep reflection, I believe that self-forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools in a veteran’s recovery toolkit.
So, if you’re struggling with the guilt and shame that stem from moral injury or grappling with the pervasive symptoms of PTSD, keep reading. By the end of this post, I hope to provide you with a framework that resonates with your experience and offers hope for healing.
Understanding PTSD and Moral Injury: The Double Burden
PTSD is a term that most people are familiar with, but it’s often misunderstood. It’s typically seen as a condition that stems from experiencing or witnessing life-threatening events. Veterans with PTSD might struggle with flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and avoidance behaviors. It’s a condition rooted in fear—a psychological and emotional response to trauma.
Moral injury, on the other hand, digs deeper into the soul. It’s not about fear; it’s about guilt, shame, and the violation of one’s core moral beliefs. Moral injury can occur when veterans feel they have violated their moral code, whether through actions they took, actions they failed to take, or simply bearing witness to acts that go against their sense of right and wrong. This internal conflict can lead to feelings of worthlessness, betrayal, and deep spiritual anguish.
Having PTSD and moral injury at the same time can feel like a double burden. The fear and anxiety from PTSD might keep you on edge, while the guilt and shame from moral injury make you feel unworthy of the very peace you’re seeking. It’s like being trapped in a cycle of pain, where the symptoms of one condition feed the distress of the other.
This is where self-forgiveness comes into play. Self-forgiveness has the potential to serve as the bridge between these two conditions, helping to break the cycle and create space for healing.
The Role of Self-Forgiveness in Healing
Self-forgiveness is often misunderstood as letting yourself off the hook or absolving yourself of responsibility. But that’s not the case at all. True self-forgiveness is about acknowledging what happened, taking responsibility for your actions (or inactions), and finding a way to let go of the shame and guilt that keep you trapped in the past.
One of the most critical things I’ve learned over the years is that self-forgiveness is not a one-time event. It’s a process that often takes years of reflection, self-compassion, and honesty. It requires you to confront the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding, the memories that make you wince, and the emotions you’ve buried deep down because they’re just too painful to face.
But here’s the thing: those wounds continue to fester without self-forgiveness. The guilt and shame of moral injury can exacerbate the fear and anxiety of PTSD, making it even harder to find peace. But by forgiving yourself, you begin to release some of that burden. You start to see that while you may not be able to change the past, you do have the power to change how you carry it. This realization can bring relief and hope, signaling the beginning of your healing journey.
How Self-Forgiveness Moderates PTSD and Moral Injury
Here’s where self-forgiveness becomes the moderator between PTSD and moral injury. By working through the process of self-forgiveness, you can begin to soften the blow of moral injury. The guilt and shame that once weighed you down can start to lift, which in turn can reduce the emotional strain that fuels PTSD symptoms.
Think about it this way: if PTSD is the wound, moral injury is the infection that makes it worse. Self-forgiveness is the antibiotic that helps you fight off the disease so that the wound can start to heal properly.
Self-forgiveness doesn’t erase what happened but allows you to accept your humanity, mistakes, and limitations. It’s about permitting yourself to move forward, to seek peace, and to stop letting your past define your future.
For veterans, this process can be life-changing. It can mean the difference between feeling stuck in an endless cycle of pain and guilt and finding the freedom to start living again. Self-forgiveness can transform your life, giving you the strength and courage to take control of your healing journey.
My Journey with Self-Forgiveness
When I left the military, I was preyed upon by memories, actions, and decisions that I couldn’t take back. I carried the weight of moral injury like a rucksack full of rocks—always there, permanently heavy, making me feel less than I was. In the beginning, my rucksack only carried a few rocks, I was distracted by my duties and kept everything suppressed below the surface, but once I transitioned, I began to reflect and started adding rocks quickly to my rucksack. The symptoms of PTSD were there, too—hypervigilance, avoidance, and the ever-present sense of dread, and it started to get worse over time. But it was the guilt and shame that kept me from ever feeling like I could heal, but something I just had to live with silently and alone.
It wasn’t until I started the journey of self-forgiveness that I began to feel a shift. It wasn’t easy, and it didn’t happen overnight. But over time, I learned to be kinder to myself. I realized I was holding myself to an impossible standard that didn’t account for the reality of war, the split-second decisions, and the unimaginable circumstances we often find ourselves in as soldiers. Many people don’t understand and they may never, but that is okay – I’ve made allowance for that, because it’s really hard to understand something and the experience unless you’ve walked a mile in someone elses shoes. I’m not saying you can’t relate or show empathy, get down to their level and feel what they are feeling, but this is exactly why veterans don’t trust others especially those that never served. It’s less than 1% of the population have ever served and that means we are rare despite the number of wars and years of war fighting the U.S. Sons and Daughters have endured.
Through self-forgiveness, I found a way to honor my past without letting it dictate my future. And that same healing is available to every veteran willing to walk this path.
Practical Steps Toward Self-Forgiveness
If you’re ready to start your journey toward self-forgiveness, here are a few steps to consider:
1. Acknowledge Your Pain: Before you can forgive yourself, you must acknowledge your pain. This means facing the guilt, shame, and memories you’ve avoided. This step is crucial in your journey towards self-forgiveness, as it validates and acknowledges the depth of your struggles.
2. Take Responsibility: Self-forgiveness isn’t about denying what happened. It’s about taking responsibility for your actions (or inactions) while recognizing that you’re human and that mistakes are a part of life.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Many people need help in this area. Self-compassion means treating yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. It’s about recognizing that you are more than your mistakes.
4. Seek Support: Self-forgiveness can be a lonely journey, but you don’t have to do it alone. Whether through therapy, support groups, or spiritual counseling, finding others who understand your trip can make a difference.
5. Let Go of the Past: This is easier said than done but is essential. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting—it means releasing the past’s hold on you so that you can move forward with your life.
Conclusion: Embrace Self-Forgiveness, Embrace Healing
The journey toward self-forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most powerful steps you can take toward healing from PTSD and moral injury. It’s about accepting that you’re human, have made mistakes, and deserve the peace from letting go of guilt and shame.
If this resonates with you, I challenge you to take that first step today. Start small—acknowledge your pain, practice self-compassion, and commit to the journey. Healing is possible, and it starts with you. Seek professional help.