Have you ever found yourself simmering with anger, letting little things get under your skin until they feel like one big pile of frustration? It may not be full-blown rage but rather a slow burn that builds over time until you feel like you will explode. If you’ve been there—and let’s face it, most of us have—then you know how overwhelming and destructive that kind of anger can be, especially when it comes to our relationships and mental health. That’s why managing anger before it controls you is crucial.
In this post, we will explore how managing anger before it boils over can change how you interact with the people in your life and the situations that challenge you. By the end of this article, you will learn how to triage your anger, focus on what matters, and prevent those inevitable moments of rage from controlling your life. Let’s dive in and break it down.
The Reality of Anger and Why It Sticks
I don’t know about you, but I’ve found that anger doesn’t always show up as explosive outbursts. It creeps in slowly, finding ways to burrow into everyday situations. It can be how people behave—family members doing things that make you question your sanity, in-laws meddling where they shouldn’t, or even just that colleague who keeps pushing your buttons. And don’t get me started on the frustrating situations we can’t control, like policies or systems that don’t make sense, like wearing masks, or the church leadership’s questionable decisions. These could be as simple as a family member leaving dirty dishes in the sink or a colleague constantly interrupting you during work.
These everyday irritants start small but build up over time, sometimes causing you to react in ways you later regret—like throwing a Kindle across the room (guilty as charged) or wanting to punch a wall. It’s not that I’m angry, but when a succession of things happens throughout the week, it can feel like I’m turning into the Hulk. And that’s when it hits me—this isn’t just about being mad at one thing. It’s about a compound effect of unresolved issues I haven’t dealt with.
The Discovery of Revelations
The Attack with the Stack method, which I discovered through the Wake Up Warrior Challenge, has been a game-changer. Inside of that is my go-to tool, called the Angry Stack, for dealing with pent-up frustration before it reaches a boiling point. It is about taking control and getting to the root of what’s bothering you. It’s about releasing that energy productively, rather than letting it simmer until it explodes. The sense of control and empowerment it brings is truly liberating.
This process has taught me that I don’t have to let anger control me. Instead, I can work through it by writing it out, stacking (journaling by answering prompts) the emotions, and discovering what’s truly beneath that initial flash of anger. Most of the time, when I sit down and analyze it, I find that what made me mad wasn’t the actual issue—it was just the last straw on top of a pile of unresolved frustrations. These could be feeling undervalued at work, financial stress, or even personal insecurities.
For example, maybe my anger wasn’t about my family doing something irritating. It was about feeling unsupported or overwhelmed in other areas of my life, and that a tiny thing just set me off. The Angry Stack helps me get to that clarity and prevents me from venting my frustrations on the people I care about.
Applying It to Being: Keeping Yourself in Check
Managing anger is not about reacting to it, but about taking proactive steps. The Angry Stack method has empowered me to address issues before they escalate. It has sharpened my focus, kept me level-headed, and allowed me to approach my relationships with a clearer mind. The relief and empowerment that come from managing anger proactively are truly transformative.
It’s not just about managing anger at the moment—it’s about creating a habit of reflection that helps me stay ahead of the emotional curve. I go through the stacking process when I feel those little irritations pile up. It’s a way of triaging my emotions, cutting through the noise, and getting to the heart of what’s bothering me before it becomes a more significant issue.
The Angry Stack method has been a game changer in my personal and professional life. It has allowed me to be more present with my family and to address conflicts constructively, rather than letting them fester. It’s not always easy, but it’s necessary for maintaining balance in my life and being a reliable person. The relief and freedom that come from addressing anger head-on is truly liberating.
The Simple Lesson: Triage Your Anger Before It Explodes
Through this process, I’ve learned that if you don’t triage your anger, you’ll deal with the nuclear fallout later. It’s like letting a pot boil over on the stove—you can catch it before it spills, or you’ll have a mess to clean up afterward.
I used to think I could avoid conflict if I ignored it long enough (I recently tried that again, and it didn’t work—I was the one who got hurt in the end)… It would disappear. But the reality is that anger doesn’t just disappear. It builds. And when you don’t deal with it, it finds a way to express itself—often in ways that are damaging to you and the people around you.
Using tools like the Angry Stack, I’ve learned how to process anger before it gets out of control. I’ve learned how to take a step back, assess the situation, and get to the root of the issue before I let it affect my relationships or my health. By doing that, I’ve brought more peace into my life and those around me.
Taking Action: What You Can Do to Stay Ahead of Anger
So what do you do with this knowledge? How do you start triaging your anger before it becomes something more significant than it needs to be?
Here are a few actionable steps you can take:
- Recognize the Small Triggers: Pay attention to the things that get under your skin throughout the day. Don’t wait until they pile up—address them as they come.
- Use the Stack Method: Write out your feelings and work through them. It might feel uncomfortable initially, but getting to the root of what’s bothering you will help you healthily release that anger.
- Communicate Clearly: It’s easy to lash out when you’re mad. Instead, take a breath and communicate your feelings calmly and clearly. Let the other person know what’s bothering you without attacking them.
- Don’t Let It Boil Over: Catch your anger before it grows. If you feel that slow build, take a step back and ask yourself what’s happening. Most of the time, it’s not about the surface issue—it’s about something more profound.
- Triage Your Emotions: Just like in a medical situation, prioritize your emotions. Figure out what needs to be addressed immediately and what can wait. Not everything requires a full-on response.
Conclusion: Don’t Let Anger Run Your Life
Anger is a natural emotion that doesn’t have to control you. Using tools like the Angry Stack, you can learn to process your feelings healthily, stay ahead of your triggers, and bring more balance into your life. It’s about being proactive instead of reactive, addressing the minor irritants before they become significant conflicts, and creating a sense of peace in your relationships and within yourself.