Have you ever found yourself standing at the crossroads of your life, wondering how you got here? A place where the successes you once prided yourself on have faded, leaving you feeling trapped in a pit of your own making? You’re not alone. I’ve been there—right in the thick of it. Life doesn’t stop for us to catch up; it keeps moving, and if we’re not careful, we end up stuck in our lies and deceptions, hiding from the truth of who we are and what we’ve become. Personal growth and leadership can help us navigate these challenging times and find a path forward.
I’ve lived through this struggle. I’ve experienced the weight of carrying a false identity and the anger, frustration, and fear that come with it. But I’ve also discovered that there is a way out—a way to stop digging down and start tunneling up. In this article, I will share how I faced my demons and how you can do the same to reclaim your life, leadership, and purpose.
By the time you finish reading, you’ll understand the power of stillness and reflection and have the tools to begin climbing out of whatever pit you may be in, rising stronger, more focused, and more authentic than ever.
The Dark Pit: A Place of My Own Making
I’ve hit rock bottom. I’m sitting in the pit, a hole I’ve been digging deeper and deeper with each passing day. Every lie I tell, and every deception I create pulls me further into the darkness. I’ve been hiding and deceiving everyone around me. I’m a complete fraud.
Here’s the thing—I know exactly who I am. I’m self-aware enough to see the lies and the deceit. At this moment, I recognize what I’m doing but feel I have no choice. Yet, there are moments when I feel this overwhelming urge to come clean, to open up and unleash everything, to tear down the walls I’ve built around myself. This self-awareness, this recognition, is the first step towards change. It’s a beacon of hope in the darkness, a sign that I can reclaim my life.
But I’m paralyzed. I’m afraid of the judgment. I’m so scared of being exposed for what I am—angry, frustrated, lost, and confused about what the hell I’m doing with my life. It takes immense courage to face these feelings, to confront the parts of ourselves we’d rather keep hidden. I respect that courage, and I understand that fear.
Earlier this year (2020), I found myself doing something as trivial as buying a pair of AirPods and keeping them hidden from my wife. Not because I had done something terrible but because I knew she would see through me. She’d see that I’m living one way while criticizing her for how she lives. The hypocrisy of it all makes me sick, but I continue, hiding in the shadows.
I criticize everyone around me, but deep down, I’m terrified of being criticized myself. I’m afraid that if anyone knew the truth, they’d see me for what I am: a liar, a pretender, a man who’s allowed the pressures of success to distort his reality. And all of this stems from the fact that I feel like I have to prove myself. From the day I was born, I’ve been trying to climb out of the shadow cast by my beginnings.
For years, I believed I was conceived during a drug and alcohol-induced sexual assault. It turns out that was a lie. My Father told me the truth after we finally met in 2022—that assault may have happened, but it wasn’t when I was conceived, and it wasn’t him. Even though I’m not the son of a perpetrator, the damage was still done. The trauma of my mother’s experience shaped both me and her. The pain, the shame—it carried forward into my life, whether I knew the truth or not.
This revelation doesn’t erase the confusion, anger, or feelings of worthlessness that I’ve carried for so long. It doesn’t change that I’ve allowed those feelings to fuel my behavior to write the narrative I’m currently living. I’ve dug this pit, and every time I tell a lie or hide something, I dig it deeper. I’ve hurt everyone around me, and I deserve every bit of pain and consequence that comes my way. I keep telling myself things will improve, but I bury myself in work and retreat into my thoughts so no one else sees what I’m doing. I’ve locked up so many parts of myself, parts I’m fully aware of but refuse to confront.
Rediscovering Discipline
There was a time in my life when I had self-discipline. It was after my divorce that I found myself completely alone. I reinvented myself back then. I took control, got into the best shape of my life, found success in my work, and created space for personal growth.
But now, here I am, years later in 2020, with four more children depending on me to lead them, to show them the way—and I can’t even lead myself. I’ve lost that discipline. I’ve let success carry me on a wave that has long since died. Instead of doing the work, I started demanding respect instead of earning it. My pride and ego blinded me, and now I find myself washed up on the shore with no idea how to paddle back out.
I need accountability. I need discipline. I need to earn my freedom from this pit I’ve dug and the lies and deception that keep me trapped. I’ve lived in the past, constantly pointing to my previous successes instead of creating new ones. What am I doing today to succeed? What am I doing to ensure success in the future? It’s not just about knowing what to do; it’s about taking action and holding myself accountable. This is the key to my growth, and it can be the key to yours, too.
Knowing what to do isn’t enough; it’s about taking action.
The Power of Stillness
Here’s the discovery I made years ago, one I’m still carrying: If I want to get out of this hole, I have to stop digging down and start tunneling my way up. But that requires something I hadn’t allowed myself for a long time—stillness.
I need to stop and be still, give myself the space to think instead of reacting impulsively and understand the situation I’ve put myself in before I can climb out of it. Only then can I start using the tools I’ve always had to make a plan and execute it.
This realization isn’t new to me. It was nearly four years ago, in November 2020, when these thoughts first took root. I remember the moment clearly. I sat down, surveyed the mess I had made of my life, and realized I had stopped doing what led me to success in the first place—creating space for reflection.
A New Path Forward
My immediate action plan is simple but profound: I must create space daily to discover, meditate, and write. The insights and the voice within will guide me, just as they did back then. The answers are there, but I need to make room for them to surface.
This time around, it’s not just about me. It’s about the people who depend on me—my wife, kids, and colleagues. They need me to be the man I was meant to be, not the man I’ve pretended to be. It’s time to stop pretending, to stop reacting, and to start leading from a place of authenticity and truth.
This is the beginning of a new chapter, where I confront my demons head-on. I’m done hiding. I’m done lying. I’m ready to climb out of this pit, sword in hand, and start living the life I was meant to live.
Conclusion
If there’s one lesson I’m taking away from all of this, it’s that stillness is power. I will find the answers in the quiet moments in the space I create for myself. I will find the strength to stop digging deeper and start tunneling up. It’s not about knowing—it’s about doing. And I’m ready to do the work.
But what about you? Where are you right now in your journey? Are you stuck in your pit, feeling like you’ve lost the discipline, the drive, or the focus that once defined you?
It’s time to stop digging and start climbing. You have the tools—you need to make the space to use them. I challenge you today to take a moment for stillness. Reflect on where you are and where you want to go. And if you’re ready to take the next step, start by making time daily to meditate, write, and rediscover your inner strength.
Let’s climb out of these pits together. We owe it to ourselves, our families, and those we lead. Let’s stop hiding and start living the lives we were meant to live.
Call to Action
Take 15 minutes today to sit in stillness. Reflect on what’s holding you back and begin writing down the steps you need to take to reclaim your life. Ready to dive deeper? Share your journey with me in the comments, or join our community of like-minded leaders striving for authenticity and personal growth.