Why I’m Here
For a long time, I’ve been searching for the answer to one fundamental question: Why am I here? What’s my purpose? This question has haunted me for years, and after much reflection and soul-searching, I thought I finally found the answer on November 2nd, 2020.
I’m here to get my life together, to build a solid foundation from which I can launch into the world and make the impact I know I’m meant to have. But I’ve come to realize that I cannot pursue my purpose unless I first fix myself and my home. Only then can I begin to help those I feel God is calling me to serve.
The Wake-Up Call
This journey started with a brutal wake-up call in my early 30s when I discovered the truth about my birth. My mother, when she was 18, was sexually assaulted in a drug and alcohol-induced blackout, and as a result, she never knew who my father was. The man responsible for my existence was a perpetrator, a stranger whose identity remains unknown. At least when I wrote this on that November day in 2020, I still believed the narrative I was told. This story ended up being a lie.
That revelation shook me to my core. Growing up, I had three stepfathers, none of whom played a significant role in my life. I watched my mother go from one toxic relationship to another, and I ended up following a similar path. I got divorced, and my oldest son—now 17—hasn’t spoken to me in four years. The legacy of fatherlessness, a curse that has plagued my family for generations, seemed destined to continue.
However, something shifted in me when I found my faith, thanks to my wife, who guided me to God shortly before we married in 2012. After my mother revealed the nature of my birth, I felt an undeniable pull—a call to help those who, like me, found themselves without a father, struggling to find their place in the world.
The Burden of Fatherlessness
I could have easily ended up on a destructive path. From the ages of 12 to 16, my life revolved around alcohol and drugs. I got a DUI in 2004, and for years, I flirted with the lifestyle that so many fatherless men fall into. I was slowly killing myself, repeating the same mistakes as those who came before me.
I was a lousy father, a lousy husband, and a man with a lousy mindset. But several years ago, I embarked on a journey to become a better man. I’ve read hundreds of books, participated in masterminds, joined men’s groups, and taken on challenges designed to push me to grow. And now, I find myself at a crossroads, ready to take the next step.
The Need for Authenticity
I’ve realized that I cannot keep living a lie. I cannot be an impostor and expect to have the impact I desire. To help others, I must first get my own life in order. I need to be genuine, authentic, real, and raw. If I can’t get right, how can I ask anyone else to do the same? If my life and home are in chaos, how can I lead others out of their darkness?
I know that I’m here to serve fatherless men, to help them find their way, and to show them that they are not disadvantaged simply because they grew up without a father. But before I can do that, I need to build my foundation—one that is strong, stable, and unshakeable.
The Four Core Domains: Body, Being, Relationships, and Vocation
I’ve come to understand that if I truly want to impact, I must organize my life across the four core domains: Body, Being, Relationships, and Vocations.
- Body: I need to take care of my physical health. I’ve neglected my body for too long, and it’s time to make a change. I need to build strength, endurance, and vitality to have the energy to fulfill my purpose.
- Being: I need to deepen my relationship with God. I’ve let my spiritual life fall by the wayside, and it’s time to reconnect. I need to create space for prayer, reflection, and growth, and to make my faith the foundation of everything I do.
- Relationships: I need to repair the relationships in my life. My wife, my children, my family—they all deserve the best version of me. I must be present, engaged, and committed to being the husband and father they need.
- Vocation: I need to get my finances and my career in order. I can’t serve others if I constantly struggle to keep my head above water. I need to build a business that provides stability and allows me to focus on my true calling.
The Path Forward
So, what’s next? I need to stop riding the roller coaster of life and start building a foundation that will support the life I want to live. I need to review, modify, edit, and republish my personal vision and mission statement. I need to create a plan that outlines the areas I need to get in order and what success looks like in each of those areas.
Once I’ve built that foundation and achieved success in my own life, then—and only then—can I launch the organization that will serve fatherless men in my community. I want to create a ripple effect to help men who grew up without a father realize that they are good enough, that they have what it takes, and that they can create a better life for themselves and their families.
Conclusion: Embracing the Challenge
I know this won’t be easy. But I’m ready to embrace the challenge, to stop flirting with the idea of change, and to fully commit to it. I’m ready to own the rest of my life, to beat life at its own game, and to take other men along with me on this journey.
Together, we can break the cycle of fatherlessness. We can build a legacy of men who are present, engaged, and committed to being the fathers their sons need. We don’t have to accept the hand we’ve been dealt—we can create a life we’re proud of.
It’s time to get real, to get right, and to make the impact I know I’m meant to have. This is why I’m here. This is my purpose. And it all starts now.